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Jun. 26th, 2012

dejavu

YOU


you come to me unexpectedly, and i believe that you just another men, but then you do that, prove your words for me that i can call you when ever i need you, i can depend on you when i need any helps.
i shouldn't do that, i shouldn't calling you, i shouldn't depend on you,
all this time everything just find on my own, and now i don't even know my direction

aku sudah berjalan sangat jauh sendirian, jatuh bangun dan sesekali tersesat, namun semuanya baik-baik saja, aku selalu bisa menemukan jalanku kembali.
dan kamu datang, mengulurkan tangan dan meyakinkan aku bahwa aku akan selalu bisa mengandalakn uluran tangan itu.
aku tidak ingin bergantung pada siapaun, tapi kamu membuatku bergantung padamu.
aku harus menjauh darimu, kamu membuat aku lemah. 
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May. 30th, 2012

dejavu

FOREVER 28


the storm isn't pass yet, there are still a hard winds blows, once in a while heavy rain along with it, but its oke.
its been a while since i try to manage my life a new beginning, a new start, as me, as myself.
so, my life was start at 28 years old, and will still reminds 28, because i will be forever 28.
i do wishing that 30 will come, since i have happiness on my list. i think every woman deserved to be happy when they 30. but even tho it never comes, its oke. i won't get sick if i dance in the rain, because i already pass some storm, so its should be just fine.

i will try my best to learn every steps in how to dance under the rain. facing the storm with much more steady steps.
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May. 10th, 2012

dejavu

UNTITLED (Happy Birthday, Lucy in the sky with diamond)

author note; as i said at JoongBo Proboards this FF i made for Jane, as i like to call her with Lucy in the sky with diamond here at LJ. and here are my words for one of the Awesome author of F3, my inspiration trio, my Rockstars cos the Rocks like that, hurhur \m/
Dear Lucy in the sky with diamond, to tell you the truth that i'm so lack of confidence to give you this fic as ur birthday present, especially i forgot ur exact birthday date, i'm sorry^^v. i try to wrote this one shot with the feel of the song that u post; Neyo ~ Part of The List. i'm not able to found the right title for this piece, so i choose to make it remind untitled. this fic not as good as ur work of words but hope u still like it. i make it in two version, English n Bahasa Indonesia with both different ending. 
either its too early or too late, Happy Birthday Rockstar! May Allah SWT always give u lots of blessing, may u get all the best in the world, always be happy and healthy, amen.
thank u for being u, thank u for all the beautiful fics that u wrote, all of that work of words inspire me in so many ways. Thank u.

~~~~~

English Version;

And she's smile, and she's laugh, and you taste the warmth of spring and summer. You want to taste the sweet, but you will not Refused the bitter, as are bitter-sweet life, as long you have her by your side


          Have you ever wanted someone so until you feel your whole body aching and longing just by remember her?. You want to touch her again, you want to taste her again, you want to immerse yourself again. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that your relationship is just an affair, only physical needs, only a date that goes with great sex when you do not want to spend the evening alone. But you know better, that what you are for more of it all. There is pain that is so disturbing when you see her comb her hair, put her makeup on, painted her lipstick ensure that no one should know that you were squashed with a passion so it's up to her lips swollen. Before she stepped out of the room, from your home. Or when you're wearing clothes that you bring with you when you deliberately decide to spend the night at her house, so you do not get out with humiliation for wearing the same clothes early in the morning the next day.

You want her. You know it, because when you join her and help her in front of the mirror combing her hair, is part of your way to enjoy the fleeting moments that you have. That when you hold her body inside yours and asked her to tell everything that happens in her life, what she does to get through the day, after both you making love, is part of your way to have her longer by your side, and more than that, it's part of your way to know her more, to understand her better, to find out if you're a part of her life.

No doubt, you want her. Because when you wake up before dawn, you find yourself staring at her face, stroking it. When you reveal a lock of  hair falling on her face at the same time you're painted every detail of her face in your memory. Thin eyebrows that hang neatly above her eyes, the eye that has a pair of beautiful dark eyes, which sparkled brilliantly, which seemed to stare deep into your soul. Aquiline nose that blends perfectly with a beautiful thin lips curved like a bow. High cheekbones with beautiful jaw line, she’s impeccably. And you find peace in the smooth of her breathing in her deep sleep. And you say to yourself, "you're mine"

You want her to be yours, no doubt. Because now when you ran your fingers in her silky smooth hair, and brushing your lips to her lips, and then your fingers explore her body, touching, stroking, persuade, arouse the wild side in her to re-merge.

Do you feel the longing desire that never seemed to lessened. She still continues giving you the sensation and fireworks. Explodes, stomping, beautiful glow every time you reach the climax.
What you have is not just a desire, you realize it then. Because regardless of anything. Hwang Bo Hye Jung will never let her being touched until the deepest of her, if she does not love that man. And she loves you enough to not to rush you, questioning your feelings. Love you enough to wait until you, Kim Hyun Joong can realize how precious every moment that you shared together, that you had together.

What are you afraid of? What are you waiting for? Is it the time for you to stopped denying?

You ask yourself; Kim Hyun Joong, you have been a loner for too long, and you so believe that commitment just make your life more complicated, that was when before she came into your life and make it upside down. So here the question; for how long she will stay and satisfied with this affair? There will be time she’s feel bored waiting, and you already way too late by the time you realize how you need her by your side, and you will die in loneliness. Or you can save yourself from that stupidity, and dare yourself to wife her, and create more magic and miracle.

“Hyun Joong, I’m leaving”

Her husky familiar voice wakes you, take you back to the present. You look at her, her makeup on, her lipstick painted, her hair tide up into simple yet classy bun, her little black dress fit perfectly show the curve of her body, and the smell of soft and sweet of her perfume which anytime anywhere you sense it your mind will run to her. Her mark on your memory along with her funny laugh and the way she smile, her sun kiss skin, the shape of her hand and how it gently touch you, the same as her kiss, you will never get enough of that kiss, in fact you will never get enough of her.

“Marry me”


~~~~~

Bahasa Indonesia Version;

  And she’s smile, and she’s laugh, and you taste the warmth of spring and summer. You want to taste the sweet, but you won’t refused the bitter, as life are bitter-sweet, as long you have her by your side.

Pernahkah kau begitu menginginkan seseorang hingga kau merasakan seluruh tubuhmu ngilu dan mendamba hanya dengan mengingatnya?. Kau ingin menyentuhnya lagi, kau ingin mengecap rasanya lagi, kau ingin meleburkan dirimu lagi. Sekuat apapun kau mencoba meyakinkan dirimu bahwa hubungan kalian hanyalah affair, hanyalah pemenuhan kebutuhan fisik, hanya kencan yang berlanjut dengan seks hebat ketika kau tidak ingin menghabiskan malammu sendirian. Tapi dirimu tahu dengan lebih baik, bahwa apa yang kalian bagi lebih dari itu semua. Ada rasa nyeri yang begitu meresahkan ketika kau melihatnya menyisir rambutnya, memakai make upnya, memastikan lipstiknya terpulas agar tak seorang pun tahu bahwa kau sudah melumatnya dengan begitu penuh nafsu hingga bibir itu bengkak. Sebelum dia melangkah keluar dari kamarmu, dari rumah mu. Atau ketika kau mengenakan pakaianmu yang sengaja kau bawa ketika kalian memutuskan untuk menghabiskan malam dirumahnya, agar kau tidak mendapatkan penghinaan karena keluar dari rumahnya dengan pakaian yang sama dipagi keesokan harinya.

Kau menginginkannya. Kau tahu itu, karena ketika kau bergabung dengannya didepan cermin dan membantunya menyisir rambut, adalah bagian dari caramu untuk menikmati momen singkat yang kalian miliki. Bahwa ketika kau menahannya dalam pelukamu dan memintanya untuk menceritakan setiap hal yang terjadi dalam kehidupannya, apa yang dilakukannya untuk melewati hari, setelah kalian selesai bercinta, adalah bagian dari caramu untuk memilikinya lebih lama disisimu, dan lebih dari itu, itu bagian dari caramu untuk lebih mengenalnya, untuk lebih memahaminya, untuk mengetahui apakah kau menjadi bagian dari hidupnya.

Tidak diragukan lagi, kau menginginkannya. Karena ketika kau terbangun menjelang fajar, kau dapati dirimu menatap wajahnya, membelainya. Ketika kau menyingkapkan sejumput rambut yang jatuh diwajahnya pada saat yang bersamaan kau melukiskan setiap detil wajahnya dalam ingatanmu. Alis tipis nan rapih yang menggantung dikeduamatanya, mata itu memiliki sepasang bola mata berwarna gelap yang indah, yang berbinar cemerlang, yang seolah dapat menatap jauh kedalam jiwamu. Hidungnya yang mancung berpadu sempurna dengan bibir tipis yang melengkung indah bagai busur. Tulang pipi yang tinggi dan bentuk rahang yang indah, dia tiada cela. Dan kau menemukan kedamaian dalam desahan nafasnya yang halus dalam tidur pulasnya. Dan kau mengatakan pada dirimu, “kau milikku”

Kau menginginkannya untuk menjadi milikmu, tidak diragukan lagi. Karena kini ketika kau menyisirkan jarimu dalam kehalusan bak sutra rambutnya, dan menyapukan bibirmu ke bibirnya, dan kemudian jari-jarimu menjelajahi tubuhnya, menyentuhnya, membelainya, membujuknya, membangkitkan sisi liar dalam dirinya untuk kembali meleburkan diri.

Kau merasakan hasrat mendamba yang seolah tidak pernah surut. Dia masih saja dan terus memberimu sensasi kembang api. Meledak, menghentak, berpendar indah setiap kali kalian mencapai puncak.

Apa yang kalian miliki bukan sekedar hasrat, kau menyadarinya kemudian. Karena terlepas dari apapun. Hwang Bo Hye Jung tidak akan pernah membiarkan dirinya disentuh seorang pria hingga kebagian terdalam dirinya, jika dia tidak mencintainya. Dan dia cukup mencintaimu untuk tidak sampai mendesakmu, mempertanyakan perasaanmu. Cukup mencintaimu untuk menunggu hingga kau, Kim Hyun Joong dapat menyadari betapa berharganya setiap momen yang kalian bagi bersama, yang kalian miliki bersama.

Apa yang kau takutkan? Apa yang kau tunggu? Bukankah sudah waktunya kau berhenti menyangkal, dan mulai untuk mengakui bahwa kau mencintainya juga.

Kau hela nafas panjang, tersenyum pada dirimu sendiri, dan sambil kau eratkan dekapanmu, kau lepaskan setiap keraguanmu dalam satu kalimat;

“I love you”


Apr. 3rd, 2012

dejavu

MUTE


rasa sudah sampai pada titik dimana menangis tidak lagi ampuh untuk menyempurnakan kesedihan, kekecewaan, bahkan kemarahan.
pikiran sudah sampai pada titik tidak ingin mencerna perkataan apapun, tidak pula ingin mencoba memikirkan apa yang harus dikatakan, mengatakan apa pun percuma.
yang diinginkan hanya diam.



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Mar. 16th, 2012

dejavu

RESAH


Jangan pernah menantang badai.
Ketika melihat tanda-tandanya, segerakanlah menghindar dan mencari perlindungan.
Aku sudah berada dalam perlindungan, dan tidak seharusnya aku mencoba melongok ke arah langit yang cerah namun menipu itu. Angin sudah bertiup sangat kencang, kilatan petir terlihat berkelebat di balik awan, dan guntur telah sayup terdengar gelegarnya.
aku pernah menghadapi badai seperti ini, dan yang aku dapat adalah porak poranda, aku bisa kehilangan segalanya.
Hanya orang bodoh yang berani menantang badai,
Dan aku bukan orang bodoh. 

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Mar. 13th, 2012

dejavu

(no subject)

and I try to forgive myself.
it is very difficult. but I tried
accused as a betrayer by myself was far more painful than the execrate.
it feels more pain.
My struggle will be hard, but I will not give up.
I've learned to be patient for someone else, why I do not want to wait for myself?
I will not give up. I will keep trying to make peace with any sense of guilt.
I will not give up. I will learn to, courageous
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Mar. 6th, 2012

dejavu

BITTER


PLEASE LOSE ME...
set me free, why you still so heartless keeping this unhappy soul?
what might be lost if i'm gone?
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Feb. 26th, 2012

dejavu

(no subject)


once Scarlet felt lost, then she remember once she's been told, when she felt lost and don't know what to do, and don't know where to go, that what she should do is to return home. comeback to the place she's used to, the place that her life begin, HOME.

i'm not lost, i just felt confused. i have this apologetic feeling that consume my soul. i feel guilty over my self, and i ask for forgiveness, but still i can't erased the hurt. how can i betray my self, the one who brave to break trough all the pain and find the way to heal herself, who save me from the long regret that fill by tears, and made me who i am now. the brave woman.

i felt like Scarlet, and maybe i should do what Scarlet do. Return Home.
back to the place where everything started, and try to find away for everything that comes and break my soul. try to heal my self once again, then continue my step to move forward.

RETURN HOME 

Feb. 21st, 2012

dejavu

RETURN HOME


once Scarlet felt lost, then she remember once she's been told, when she felt lost and don't know what to do, and don't know where to go, that what she should do is to return home. comeback to the place she's used to, the place that her life begin, HOME.

i'm not lost, i just felt confused. i have this apologetic feeling that consume my soul. i feel guilty over my self, and i ask for forgiveness, but still i can't erased the hurt. how can i betray my self, the one who brave to break trough all the pain and find the way to heal herself, who save me from the long regret that fill by tears, and made me who i am now. the brave woman.

i felt like Scarlet, and maybe i should do what Scarlet do. Return Home.
back to the place where everything started, and try to find away for everything that comes and break my soul. try to heal my self once again, then continue my step to move forward.

RETURN HOME 

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Jan. 19th, 2012

dejavu

once it broke, the damage will still reminds

kau teguk lagi cairan manis yang memabukan itu. alasan yang kau punya sekarang adalah pembenaran untuk merasakan rasa sakit dalam hatimu yang telah patah untuk yang kesekian kalinya, bukan lagi kebutuhan untuk merasakan pahit dari pembenaran untuk mencoba melupakan setiap rasa sakit yang sudah menggenang seperti aliran darah dari luka yang terus mengalir dan tidak juga menunjukan tanda-tanda kalau luka itu akan berhenti berdarah dan mengering. bukan lagi pembenaran untuk mencari pengalihan untung menangisi dan mengutuk rasa sakit hati yang tak kunjung reda, karena kau sudah lelah meratapi rasa sakit yang seperti kutuk yang tidak juga bisa kau musnahkan meski kau telah menjeritkan berbagai mantra penyembuhan.
kau resapi rasa sakit itu, dan kau coba kenali bentuknya yang abstrak, dan mencoba melakukan penerimaan bahwa seperti setiap hal, setiap benda di dunia ini, begitu hancur tidak akan bisa kembali kebentuk semula, akan ada selalu jejak yang tertinggal dalam setiap kehancuran, dalam setiap retakan dan patahan, sekuat apapun kau mencoba memperbaikinya, sebaik apapun cara yang kau pakai untuk mengembalikan bentukannya kebentuk asalnya. tidak akan pernah sama, karena seburuk apapun ingatanmu, kau tidak akan pernah lupa pada setiap kerusakan yang terjadi pada hatimu!
dan sekali lagi kau mengisi gelasmu, bersulang sekali lagi bersama penerimaan, once it broke the damage will still riminds, so no need to forget it, just except it and move on

CHEERS 
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